she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize