I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
