her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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