Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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