oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
