We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
