That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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