she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
