I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
