I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
