when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
