Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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