apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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