good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
