you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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