my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
