you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
