Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
