How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
