I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize