Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
