Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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