Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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