You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
