can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
