would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize