Your dad touched me again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
