do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
