this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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