i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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