john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
