Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
