Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
