that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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