this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
