dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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