You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he fucked my hip out of place.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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