Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Blood and glitter go together right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
