I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
