WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
