just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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