i was born a porn star she said
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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