Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
