I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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