Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
