yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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