The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
NoShamevember. You game?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
