In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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