Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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