Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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