____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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