lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
