i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
