I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
