if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
