You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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