hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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