FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
