You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
