I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
