The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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