The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
