i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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