I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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