at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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