Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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