she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
