Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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