i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
