just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I would fuck him just for his dog
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
