kristin has been a bad kristin
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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