Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
